downloading the rolling stones discography, and eagerly awaiting the new episode of the walking dead. worried about this week, just like every other week. feeling slightly impersonal, and chain smoking a lot.
my mom is taking my little sister to washington, so they can meet my grandma up there for the weekend, and then fly her back. i’ve always wanted to go and visit where my grandmother grew up with her, and go to all the places she went with her. i can’t go though, and i am kind of heartbroken. my mom can only afford to take one of us, especially since she has to help me pay my bills this month, because i can’t pay them all myself. i know that she really feels bad about not taking me, and i feel bad that she has to help me so much.
why do i put the people i care about first in my life? why don’t i think about how these serious decisions are going to effect the rest of my life? why do i feel like i give more then i take. why can’t i take more than i give? i am so worried about so many things right now, and i feel like my brain is going to explode.
i officially think that i have bitten off more than i can chew, and i am so over feeling like a doormat. i wish i had that gun where you shoot someone, and they see things from your point of view.
